Rebecca Christian

1w

hey!!! going to the gym at 3 woohoo. fun fun. having a good day today. im just hanging out at home. im always either at work or at home but im on my vacation. didnt have the money to travel this year so... but yeah nothing too much going on. having the time of my life. i just got done my laundry. my roommates best friend was so kind enough to remind me about it because I would've forgotten it. but yeah I need to see a neurologist. idk what they can do for my memory probably put me on medication. ill probably do that. my psychiatrist is gonna take me off some meds so. yeah I have a therapist too because I have schitzophrenia it threatens me ya know. the people in my mind except for the good stuff. so I need to talk about it with her. it's hard for me to get out you know with my memory loss like I cant talk correctly or be specific anymore. but I try to talk about it.. I talk to my brother about it too sometimes. I love my brother hes my world ya know. hes my only brother I knew that encouraged me through out my tough times. I owe him a lot. but yeah I hope you guys are having a good day ya know. if you ever need to talk im here. I know what it's like to be depressed and with schitzophrenia it both sucks when you get it at the same time plus anxiety. I've been there. im there everyday you know. I run on employee too so it's also sometimes hard to feel i think I cried so much I can't even cry anymore. I lost my grandbaby my daughter had a miscarriage so been sad and depressed about that. I haven't been able to see my kid yet neither so it's hard. but yeah my mom's gone too and my dad's got lung cancer and is gonna die eventually maybe he'll live til in his 80s idk. its gonna kill me to see my dad look so old ya know. we have been together since I was a kid so seeing them age was scary you know.. idk I was never ready to say goodbye to my parents. but I guess we got to experience what are family and friends go through God must think im a fighter when I am a chicken. lol. hes so funny with his silence. i thought everyday I would meet him. Haven't yet. but sometimes I hear someone that sounds like God in my memories. idk if your guys memories play out or if your dreams play out with you awake but that's why I say I have schitzophrenia they talk like there really there and then I see the exorcist in my mind. my whole life I dreamed of exorcist demons. had nightmares of my fave scary movies and now im seeing them in my woods like there there but it's in my mind. it scares me but you know I think you go to heaven when your a victim. but just know your not alone. i was always right there.