Rebecca Christian

3d

hey good morning. ive been up since 2 am. I have insomnia I accidently passed out without taking my meds so been up. sometimes I can sleep and then I can't.. so it's 537 now. im just watching someone on twitch.
I listened to some music and now im just chillin. I dont think ill be able to sleep right now. but yeah im supposed to go to my brother's today. im praying they dont call me in because I know im gonna have an anxiety attack. if Im up too early I always end up having one. I wanted to stay up til 1 but nope. i laid down for a sec and passed out. idk I can sleep sometimes without my meds but I wake up at 1 or 2 usually so and then I feel stressed out all day and burnt out and then yeah it sucks. so im hoping I dont have to go to work today. but yeah idk.. idk whose up.. im just hanging out in my room. everybody's sleeping. but yeah I think im gonna have a smoke in a few minutes. I dont know i think ill just write in my notebook.. my brother hurt his neck at work so idk if im seeing him today. when he's injured he usually doesn't hang out. I know how that is though. I can't hang out with anybody when I am injured. but idk...its alright even though it's been like a year since I seen my brother. idk I mightve seen him one time after Christmas either that or it's been Christmas since I seen him. i get a lot of anxiety too and got to stay home it's a horrible mental problem just makes you want to lay down.. so idk my brother has anxiety too so. that's why we didnt see each other got a long time. i dont want my dad mad at me or anything it's not that I didnt want to see them but the anxiety is always winning.. like now I want to go but I can feel the anxiety you know makes me not want to go out.. i ain't working today if my boss calls im gonna ask if I can stay home. i hate letting her down but im already feeling anxiety I know that attack is gonna get worse. I have it bad like it's pretty severe im on like 3 different a anxiety med. ones an anxiety med but it's for my allergies. idk I guess it just manages it's not meant to take it away completely I guess.. idk it's cut down a lot. so im glad I have most of my life back I usually can go to work everyday and go do my stuff but today I feel it in me I dont want to go.. im afraid im gonna get an anxiety attack if I go see my brother. it's happened at his house too I think it always happens in the evenings idk. i suffer calmly ya know idk.. I hope it just doesn't get any worse.. im gonna have to pray to god. idk.. but yeah im gonna have a smoke it's pouring again it's been doing that since it started. like it stops for a little then bam more rain. but idk.. ill be back. have a good day whoever is up!