Rebecca Christian

1w

hey hey! enjoying my vacation.. im doing laundry.. im supposed to go to the gym today i won't be able to pay my gym membership til after the 6th so.. I might not be able to go to the gym but ill probably call and ask if I can. but yeah im just hanging out.. ill probably just go for a walk today it's gonna be nice all week I heard. which reminds me to check the weather. but yeah just hanging out i have no money. it's probably gonna take me all week to make a 20 with the games. my other game the converter disappears and then it takes sometimes over 24 hours fix there protecting the money so like I cant make 100 bucks all together. it's a pain in the ass but oh well it's my coffee money or for my smokes.. I gotta send my daughter money christmas is coming so I keep hoping. i didnt really end up lucky like everybody else. never got to join the army neither like I wanted. i can't even take care of my daughters like I want to cant visit when I want it's gonna take me 2 years to save up my payee is saving 25 a month up.. I calculated i won't be able to go til 2 years from now and I really wanted to see her now. but im gonna work on the christmas presents. I want to get her some earmuff headphones and stuff maybe some press on nails. it's cheap i really actually wanted to take her to get her nails done like every month you know but God doesn't do that for me and my job I just get paid 15.50 and im stuck with my debts so I have to pay that off too at the same time. so yeah.. it's not my fault but it's my fault you know I get things too and like I need a house phone now but I got to wait because I got to get my daughter some presents my youngest well shes adopted by her uncle and he won't let her talk to her sister and me and I lost them a long time ago. and they had to move coz of there dad and all this stuff so I haven't been able to see them for a long time. i got sick for a while so and I was just on ssi..so but I got a job I dont do drugs I dont drink anymore. I used to do shit in the younger years but im all set now you know I've experimented it's time to grow up. im young you know but I love my daughters so much that I would stay sober for them and if my past me knew what I knew now im sure she would've done the same thing but I understand too your young and in love you know. most woman do anything for there soul mate. men do it too.. but I wanted to something for my daughters and clean up.. so I changed.. I made my mistakes coz I felt alive you know. you know my family did too have drinks they changed. but I honestly feel guilty like it's my fault.. I wouldn't of lost them if I just didnt drink any wine. it was wine I drank.. but they did there job you know I think my daughter met her soulmate. so we were meant to go this way. that's all I ever wanted for them is to be happy and with there husbands ya know. but yeah I haven't seen them in 14 years. I prayed that somebody would set it up so we can finally meet again you know
.. but yeah idk.. I wonder sometimes if God was getting out benefits in life but I cant seem to get paid enough so im independent like my mom wanted. but she also said to stay with my guardian too so idk. I prayed for the way out being on my own has been my dream for so long but at the same time im scared im gonna be homeless again if I dont stick with having a guardian so idk.. but I have one of my kids back so im happy. shes enjoying life with her bf. so im glad she has something to do. me on the other hand I can't even find the right one. im talking to someone but it's not going anywhere idk the guy hasn't asked me out so oh well.. Just ain't lucky in this life. well thanks for hearing me out guys. love you have a fun monday!