Rebecca Christian

5d

well, anyways im just hanging out. idk if I found my drama app to make money on. i needed that in a hole in the head. it was always my mom's wish that I was independent. I want to do that for her ya know. idk. but I ain't gonna make it on my own. but yeah nothing new happening. im having a good night. Just thinking about what to do with my life. im probably gonna have money soon. there's some things I wanted to do with my friends. you know I've never been able to go to a concert or comedy show or a football game. id like to do that. maybe go with Amanda. ya know. idk. or Laura that would be amazing. but yeah idk.. im just here. im getting hungry. but I need a cig. but yeah enjoying my vaca. ill be going to see my daughter next year or the year after well actually she said shes not sure she can give me the address so ill just get her a ticket to fly down here. it's better that way.. but yeah im sad I miss my grandbaby and now shes in heaven. God makes life m so unfair ya know. it makes me give up hope but I keep going because I hear my mom tell me to keep going. so im doing that. but yeah idk I can't wait to go to the gym. I really wanted to go apple picking but it was raining so much for that plan. my neighbor wants to see Michael Jackson 2. so ill probably go with him
he has down syndrome I feel bad he always wants to do something but hopefully I start working Friday to Sunday and have Monday to Thursday off he works Saturdays too so it'll be good we can go see the movie during the week. they only need me for the weekends so.. im hoping to squeeze in 20 hours. 🤞 but yeah... I cant get my daughter presents now. I might have the money in the future so im gonna have to do something for my kid some how. im hoping to have the money to fix her cash app. so hopefully in a month. atleast my game apps are real im lucky. but yeah idk.. im just thinking I got to get my friends some gifts too. I've never been able to ya know but neither has my mom
so idk... I feel selfish tho if I dont do something for someone
that's just not who I am ya know. id make every body rich and buy them a house and car and stuff. too bad Im not the president. but yeah idk. im just here. im writing in my journal. I needed to post something and I got to charge my phone. but yeah you know I've struggled so long I dont even know what it's like to have something good. it's been hard without my mom im so afraid like people are gonna attack me now that shes gone but people attacked me while she was living so I guess it doesn't matter but yeah it's just weird. i feel a little more empty with out my grandbaby and my mom and my daughters. but I hear her in my memories and she keeps telling me to keep going. so I do.. i laugh and smile but I feel broken ya know.. run down and broken. it would've been nice to be with a man ya know i think that would've made me feel better. smh. oh well I needed to see the other side of things. it kills me everyday. but I smile. let everybody know im okay. and for the most part I am. but yeah im gonna charge my phone okay guys. love all I dont know who you are but im sure your my friend somewhere in a happy life. one day we will meet there. stay safe have a ton of fun!