good morning. I am just chillin.. I have nothing to do today I'll probably do some laundry. i need to organize better but I don't know where to put anything. maybe in my drawer. I got to throw out my mail. idk. I'm just chillin. just enjoying the week.. at least I stopped seeing so much. yeah the medication don't take away it all completely it just manages. it sucks.. I know when I start life over into a new life I'll be okay again ya know. but yeah just wish it all would go away now. but yeah idk what to do about this mental illness. I just ignore it for the most part. tried talking to them ya know. I know it's crazy but figured I'd I talked to them then it would help them move on. but I guess not. but yeah anyways I am just trying to find work. I need money for my phone. I got to pay my bills back and get that done. I want to hang out with my friends they were the only people that made me happy. you know they have always been good to me. they hardly ask for money. like most of the time I would just give it to them to help them out ya know. they need to be cared for too ya know. but I know only your husband can make you feel better and even the world feels like the end there is nothing that makes shit better. but good thing God takes it away we heal from the pain ya know. so don't give up hope. but yeah I got my sexy night gowns last night. I didn't wear it yet. but I will soon and take some pictures. but yeah I guess ill just play my game. anyways I need another coffee. i drink coffee all day. my favorite flower was roses and lilacs. idk I'd make a garden if I had the money for that. maybe I can buy some flowers again. but yeah I'll just be here. I applied to a lot of places so I'm waiting to hear back from them. I hope I get a real remote job. but yeah anyways nothing new. just gonna keep going and not give up. but yeah I want to see my besties. it's been a long time again. I seen my best friend last year on her birthday was just for a few minutes because she had to go. but yeah got her a cake. my roommate bought it though because I didn't have a job lol. at the time. and for right now don't have a job. hopefully soon.