hey! good evening. I am just hanging out. listening to music. I'm earning coins for that. you can make 4 dollars on the app. but yeah they must have a thing with people playing games because they don't let you make much to listen to music here. but yeah I am just chillin.. bored as heck. but I'm having a good day. I'm getting money next week. I'm so excited. I can't wait to go shopping. but yeah I am just bored. it's my day off today. I'm working Friday and Saturday. but yeah nothing new happening. I gotta order my tank tops too but I'm gonna get my straight talk phone. straight talk only lets you hold onto your phone number when you pay for your prepaid card so.. idk.. but yeah nothing new today.. I need a nap but I hate naps and besides I woke up at 10 this morning. so I don't think I really need one. but I found a vape in my bag thank heavens I was dying not having a vape. but yeah I'll get a new one next week. I need headphones too because my headphones broke. sigh. I think I have bad luck either that or the Lord's having me get new stuff idk my headphones were still in good shape I accidently snapped it when I put it on my head. lol I'm always breaking something or I'm spilling something on myself lmao Everytime on my white shirts lol. it's always happening now a days hahahaha. but yeah I'm just so happy I'm finally getting money. my payee mailed it woohoo.. my guardian couldnt make it . oh well it would've been good to see her. but oh well. I'm just glad though that I'll have some cash but I'm aggravated because I want to see my kid but my brother is right just be glad she talks to me when she does. my kid disappears and pops up in her texts every now again I'm so worried about her. but I understand she's 18.. just protect her and my other daughter if you can Lord and the force. my kid might be a wild child right now.. but yeah idk... I just wish I could get enough money so I can fly my kids down. it's been 13 years since I seen them..I've never had the money....idk what else to say but I want to be with my kids.. but I get homesick and I'll miss Nashua ya know I've been here for 13 years. I get sick idk why.. but my kid wants to go to college where she is so I have no other choice.. I wish she wouldve been cool with living with me because I would've loved that . oh well. ill just concentrate getting my own place. my daughter can visit she said she was looking at plane tickets! I was so excited. but I haven't heard anything about it for a while now. but oh well maybe I'll find a boyfriend to be with.. I gave up on Riley because he doesn't message me like I need a man to. I can't ever be with an army man I always wanted to be with a cop though.. idk.. it just makes me feel better.. having a strong man protecting you ya know.. it's just me and my girls out here in the world and my brother is busy protecting and taking care of his baby. I miss my nephew I want to go see him but my brother hasn't felt good.. it sucks this isn't turning out like how I wanted ya know.. I've totally always dreamt of the white picket fence and having a husband but nope never been married. it's so embarrassing all these homies out here don't get married and neither do the metal heads. idk what the hell to do I can't find the right guy I think I'm too independent or something. yeah on section 8 that's as independent as I'm ever getting because even if I made 20 an hour I still cant afford to live on my own and get food and pay for hear and electricity. I need my hair cut and my nails done and I need a bikini wax and yeah I need my ice coffees and redbulls ya know. idk... I know I'm a lot.. I think everything is a scam now but I don't know the whole story.. and I'm too picky but I talk to the guys that ain't that handsome and like they just stop talking to me I've never said they were ugly but they ain't my type. so I tried. and then the handsomest guy alive messaged me and he don't text. so idk but I do apologize. I seem to can't just be with anyone and like all the guys send me dick pics. ita so gross. I don't like it right now. I always loved 1950s love. a good gentlemen ya know but there all married or something. i don't see my people much.. just road rage people people who just walk by when you say merry Christmas. there was plenty of people donating on my end so.. they all said merry Christmas but I think that they just wanted to move on or there not feeling good. I know there old but I've always been used to old folks having energy like they 18. there so lucky I feel like I'm 50 right now..and I'm 38.. I'm getting old!!! ill be 40 in 2 years.. omg.. it happened so fast lol. I know I'll always be a kid though or young.. but idk anyways okay.. so I am gonna have a smokey. yes I've thought to quit but I can't explain the addiction. the Lord hasn't released me from this but my momma died and I don't want to quit. my mom used to smoke. she was my best friend. I miss her like I lost her yesterday and it's been 8 months ago.