took the longest nap. I was trying to just sleep for an hour but I was tired so I just slept a couple hours. but yeah I am drinking a coffee. I'm gonna be getting ready for work in a little bit. I'm working 2 pm to 6 pm. can't wait to be at work.. I know I'm too funny being excited over work I should hate it like everybody and work but it's like Christmas and snow it's just so pretty to work there idk how to explain it. but I love it.. I'm with a good group so.. it just makes me happy to work with them ya know. but yeah I'm working 12 more hours the next couple of days. I hope I can do it ya know. 🙏🤞🍀 just praying for the best ya know. I need to take my anxiety medicine. I didn't get a chance to play my games but tomorrow I will. I miss my mom so much. I seen a commercial on Fox and it was a cell phone and it said mom on it because that's whose calling and I'm like go figure I would run into that. just made me miss my mom. you know she passed away last year it'll be a year in September this year. so.. it's just hard without my momma but I'm doing it for her I stay good and true and I try to live some sort of a life and be there for my daughter ya know I keep going for them. and I have many good days but Everytime I think about it it just makes me sad that my best friend is gone ya know. I was hoping she'd be able to live a little while longer and that's not what I got. I prayed for her to at least live into her 70s or 80s but nope.. God took her so.. I had to say goodbye to my best friend. she was the only women that loved me. here I'm trying to make some sort of a life for myself carrying on in my heart everything she ever taught me and I wish I could remember everything she ever said because I needed to hear her say it once more. if I could be with her right now I would. the last hug I got to give my mom was the last time I saw her it was right after I lost my car my mom picked me up and dropped me off. and then the last day I text her in the morning and she seemed fine but I had a feeling it was coming. and I didn't get another chance to say I love you and goodnight ya know so and then the next morning my dad called and let me know she died. I thought he was kidding I was about to laugh at his joke but it wasn't a joke.. my dad doesn't call me and my brother is too busy with his life and my daughter is too busy with hers. so idk. I don't have anyonw but my job my best friend is busy but we hang out. she's more of a sister to me then anybody. she bought me some mall food so I love her like a real sister forever because she finally got to do something for me I always loved her but we were never able to do anything for each other you know but I think it brings us closer and I hope we have many more good days together. I need someone to spoil anyways I might as well spoil my best friend. idk. just a thought I'm having. but yeah it's been so hard being able to ask my mom for advice I get a reaction and go to text her or call her and I realize she's gone. it's been a tough 7 months. so I'm just gonna be busy at work and try to make some sort of a life for myself. I hope my kid has something to do with me I haven't heard from her in days so idk I think it's been like a week or two. she's 18 and lives with her roommate in another state so it's not like I can check up on her. but yeah I knew my girls would always live in another state ya know.. it's there thing I get home sick though lmao 🤣 I hate it.. but hey you miss home I've been in Nashua for 13 years.. and soon I'm moving to Hudson once I'm next on section 8 so I am looking forward to it. I'm just gonna pass away there ya know. but yeah I miss my family. I hate having to let go and move on with my life and like I never get to see them. ya know. it's hard.. I'm in this world alone even tho there with me.