well, ate 3 slices of pizza. I had a hamburger for lunch too. my stomach feels too full. I can't eat big meals but I was hungry today. but yeah idk I am just hanging out in my room. nothing new. I think I'll get a redbull tomorrow or hang onto my 20 for now to get a vape. I found a smoke shop that sells vapes for 14.99 which is cheaper then the good tasting ones I got previously. but yeah I am just tired. I was gonna stay up until 11 but I think I'll go to bed by 10. I have to be ready I've been going to bed by like 11 or 1 am and waking up at 5 or 6 am. so but my favorite time to get up is 5 am I need my morning before everyone gets up lol. I'm stuck that way. but I have class tomorrow. I have to get my shot and I have an orthopedics appointment. class is 6 to 9
tomorrow.. omg. it's critical thinking and problem solving. I hope it magically makes me Intelligent. I always wanted to be like my managers they always spoke so professionally. I can sorta sound professional. but yeah I'm definitely confident. not always though ya know. I used to be so sensitive back in the day. always cried when someone called me fat. but yeah now I don't cry at all. but yeah I want a boyfriend. hopefully that happens soon. well maybe I'll meet him at work or maybe it'll be peter. but he's kinda far away ya know. and it's hard for me sometimes to be alone I really just want to cuddle and get my kisses. but it never happens. hopefully now that I have a job I'll have a man. maybe they didn't want to date me while I was looking for a job ya know I get it I don't get with SSI people when I'm on SSI. now ya know they need to have a job. I am a horrible person but I think for us and how I want us to be able to live together. and be with our friends ya know. I'm definitely tired though. I just want to close my eyes now and sleep but I need to balance my sleep timing because if I go to bed at 8 I'm up at 3 or 4 and then I'm tired all day. so I got to go to bed by 9 or 10 and wake up at 5 am. lol. that's how I always was ya know. I used to stay up til 10 o'clock. when I was sick I was in bed by 5 and 6 pm during the summer I slept til 1 am and was up all night it was a horrible couple years I was always vomiting from my stomach aches or my acid in my chest. so it sucked. but I'm a lot better now I'm so excited to clean my own apartment or house. I hope I get married or at least be with my man at the house. he can pay the rent and electricity I'll pay the head and grocery food and WiFi lol. I've never been any good at paying rent even tho I really wanted to do that but I can't afford an apartment unless it's 900 or 1000 a month. so idk. but I don't know if these people are gonna let me move even though we filled out section 8. but maybe I can find my own apartment for 900 or 1000 sometimes they have something thankfully. it be nice to have section 8 because it cost me 500 a month or 300. but then I'd have heat electricity and my wifi and then food ya know. but it says you can make 5000 a month and keep your Medicaid if your married or something idk I could've sworn I read somewhere so that's all I need because I'm on 9 meds and my psychiatrist doesn't want to take me off the shot. I have to talk to my guardian and see what she says. I'm gonna stress I'm on a lot of medication ya know I'm surprised Im alive. but God is pretty much protecting me. thank heavens for our father. ya know. I don't know what I would do without God. I believe he's out there he's probably human ya know. so..I keep hoping I meet him in heaven. but Jesus Christ always come out of my mouth I think I'm probably going to hell even tho I won't say it in vain ya know like mentally I don't hate Jesus I grew up believing in his legacy ya know. the Jesus on the TV movies was always a sweetheart and that's why I don't hate that God. but I don't think Jesus and God aren't the same person I watched the movies and I realize he is his son maybe. like actual son. that's what always registered in my head ya know. they are a beautiful thing those people. they carry a special kindness and you got to realize caring about those kinds of people is the most important thing to cherish. appreciate always kind sweethearts because there is no one else like them ya know. never judge a book by it's cover I was always hearing. even the meanest are the kindest. it's true somewhere ya know. depends what you choose to be. I always stayed kind I've had a lot of evil thoughts but all those people I forgot them the ones that hurt me maybe they had a bad way too ya know you never know what is happening in someone's life. but never give up. if you love being happy and being kind your gonna find your people. they always say God is good there is never a day he is angry or evil so we should do the same. but anyways what I mean to say if make the world a trusting place and keep it kind and be loving. because happiness is everything that we need in the world. feeling is raw truth. so I love. but yeah just passing the time listening to the news. but I was busy with this. I love you all out there I know the world is too big for us to be friends wherever you are but just know I'm glad we are friends and I love you all everyday that passes by and it's hard to say goodbye. 🤍🤍🤍🤍❤️❤️❤️❤️