well good news the traveling specialist job I applied to they messaged me I set it up for meeting tomorrow. so hopefully I'll have this job. it's commission but it's easy I just have to support clients and plan there trips. learn the software they use and work on my own so I am looking forward to it no experience required and they train. so I am glad. I'm happy she contacted me. I think I want to do this instead of a pizza place because I think they would be mad if I had an anxiety attack and had to go home. maybe I can be manager after 6 years or something ya know idk I'll see what happens I might just be happy scheduling trips. being a manager will always be my dream. and yes being a boss or HR specialist is my other dream. being a project manager or social media professional. I did always want to be a nurse and a teacher. I've never really thought about running a hotel but I did want to be a clerk I did ask if the DMV is hiring. maybe I'll do that but then again I do have to smoke my cigs but I got my nicotine losenges so I won't be smoking as much. my momma was lucky she didn't smoke while she worked. I miss my mom it's gonna be 5 months since she died this Sunday. I miss her a lot. she was my best friend. she was a good mom. one of a kind type. she always fed me my whole life ya know. took good care of me. I miss her more then anything. well idk it's still weird without her but I'm managing. I'm gonna be sad when my dad dies too. it's just gonna be me and my brother and our kids. well, I prayed to God to take me first and he didn't. I know he's either doing it to hurt me or to make me stronger. idk.. I always believed God was a good man but he is harder then thick ice. he left me on the planet to die alone. and that's hard. I hope I see my daughters soon. all my friends have there family's and I don't ya know. I am hoping to see my daughter soon. I need her more then life itself. *fingers crossed*