well, I was aggravated all day because I told my roommate that I had to work and he yelled at me because he had to take care of the baby. and he said I can leave if I want. and so I'm aggravated. I can't wait to get paid I'm probably gonna move. I'm supposed to live with my man... but the guardian I have probably ain't gonna let me move in with him within a year so I'm gonna go to court probably towards the middle of spring so I can pay some of my bills off. to show them I can do it. I just needed the money. I'm gonna get like 6400 a month if i work 5 days a week. I'm working full time. so I can get out of here. I don't want to stay around people that can't help me out. they get mad at me for standing up for myself or just saying I need to work can you get that printed out. like seriously people don't deserve me. I am struggling too. but yeah I'm gonna end me having a guardian so I can travel. because they don't let me go anywhere. I think they are trying to keep me on welfare and I don't want it. it ain't enough I have no money. but you know what they can't blame me for being a good person I'm not a cold hearted bitch like that. so idk people. I need them out of my life it's time I gotta see my daughter. I thought I was working 7 days a week of 6 days a week so that's like over 8000 or something idk my boss didn't mention yet. but I can work over time too that's all I know so. I am fortunate I'll be getting my 8000 a month. I want to live with my man I don't want to be 50 and get married I want to get married in my 30s I'm 38 now it took flippin forever ya know. I finally met someone that straight up gives me money right off the bat and I love him more then anything. no other guy ever did that for me. so idk.. but as long as I have a guardian I won't be able to get married those people are weird. I think when you know you know. you know everythings gonna be alright. I don't like worrying when I worry ya know. I know in my heart everything is gonna be fine. but I don't want to ask people but my man for help I don't want to ask my daughter I want to be the one that gives her money and gets her stuff that's not my daughters responsibility her responsibility is to treat herself good. I want to be able to give her a little paycheck for herself because nobody wants to hire her neither because she says she doesn't have experience. but she does she knows computers too. she has verbal and communication skills. I feel bad for my daughter but they won't let me do anything for her I'm going behind there back giving her money. I am not sure I'm supposed to but I honestly can't be a selfish bitch like them. they give there kids money or they don't idk what they do I don't care I want to live my life with my kids and treat them good. so I'm gonna go down there and get me released finally. so I am praying God gives me a good judge that's on my side that's going to end the guardianship. I am not worried anymore if im gonna lose my apartment or house or if I'll lose my job I feel like I'll always have it. I'll be able to get myself a computer in time I feel safe with God. ya know. I think my hubby my boyfriend I just met is gonna stick it out with me. and I'm gonna be crazy about him more then ever. so... idk.. but I can't even do anything like I can go out but I have to ask and then I can't have anyone over. like I get it it ain't what it is anymore can't trust people I get it believe me people wouldn't leave my house one time and threatened to beat me up but you keep going that's the key you don't let yourself get mad. but I get it it's a rush of emotion you can control it but you can.. just got to ask the Lord. God is finally answering my prayers I believe that ya know. I begged him even to work on me and my family so I can treat my daughters good finally. it's been 37 years and I've never had actual money.. I feel like 6400 is actual money or 8000 is actual money. with my man he has actual money. he's studying so he can get more money so I am glad. I want my daughter to come live with me but she wants to go to college in her state. so... I hope she's gonna be alright. maybe when she's done college she'll come up here. ya know. idk.. I know to just be a chill mom and to let her do what she needs to. because that's the point of living life she's young and 18. I did it too my own way. but yeah I'm excited because I picked out presents for her graduation. I want to take her and her friends to a theme park. my man said he'd buy it all. I'm so excited. I hope she likes it. I think we should take her out to eat too and her friends. idk or maybe we can go out to eat and the next day go to the theme park. I got to talk more about it with the hubby. but yeah I'll have money soon hopefully. but yeah I don't really have many people in my life ya know. but I was able to get my best friend something she got me a teddy bear for Valentine's Day so I got her a few things and a card. she said she loved it. so I am glad. my man let me give my daughter 30 bucks.. so I am grateful I got to do that for her. but yeah more surprises are coming. maybe I'll be able to help everybody soon. ya know it's one of my passions in the world is helping others. but I know I gotta take care of my family. but yeah I'm gonna have a smoke. and some of my vape. I don't drink I don't do any drugs I'm happy. I cleaned up myself for my kids. I just smoke cigs and vape and I drink redbulls soda and coffee water and milk I can't drink orange juice I have acid reflux. so but yeah I'm happy now that I'm away from that drama. I don't need to suffer anymore. it's nice. ☺️