well never mind they turned me down.. I didn't want to work for that company anyways.. but yeah I'm just thinking that I enjoy the stormy weather. always loved storms. I love thunder storms too. it's just peaceful even though it's hectic. but yeah idk I want to go see my brother and my nephew at some point. I wish I could be there right now. but my brother isn't working for his job anymore so I don't know. he probably will say he can't pick me up right now. I'm really tired of it. because I need family. idk maybe I'll find another family to love idk. I know family is important but when your giving a family that don't care about you is that even family. like I want to meet my real family. I know I had people that really loved me. ya know... but yeah I have schitzophrenia and those people in my head I don't know there names . they abuse me over the point. I've been really pissed and I pray to God he destroys them. but I'm aggravated in him because he doesn't answer my prayers. really I keep being led to scams and everything else. but yeah my schitzophrenia is bothering me to the point. and I have nobody to talk to about it. I didn't really want to bother people neither. but it feels like it's a curse. but maybe one day God will show you and you'll see who it is. but yeah I see horrible shit. whether it's being psychic or not. but I honestly can't stand it anymore and want my normal life.. it is a heavy weight that I carry.. I can't even cry anymore over it. but idk if anyone else has schitzophrenia I was wondering if people see the same thing as me. because I'd like to meet those people. some days I wonder if the world sees the same thing as I do or if it's on another level ya know but if you do I'm here. I know what your going through. my schitzophrenia attacks me too they think they are demons and then I really see actual exorcist demons. but they look like there human looking but there not. so if anyone ever wants to talk about it I'm here. but yeah idk im exhausted from this battle. I wish God would take it away because he plays it too long through out the day. but just reaching out.. because I have no one to talk about it with. I have a therapist too she told me to write a letter to my schizophrenia. it doesn't kill the pictures though.. that's what I want is it to go away now.. ya know.. but yeah enjoying the storm. I'm listening to some music. I'm bummed out because the guy I was talking to dropped me. so.. I'm tired of those types of men running away from me. I've never been married because I just haven't found the right guy for me. I should've been married since 18 honestly.. wondering why gods preventing that right now.. I really have lost hope because I just started thinking he wasn't there for me. ya know. it's tiring dealing with someone that doesn't talk to you that's God ya know. you'd think he would do that for us. idk.. but this is my story... I ended up with a mental illness and idk if those people are real but there gonna do a lot of bad if they are ya know. but you take care of you. life has so many beautiful things to see. ❤️